Lesson number one, all the beautiful nymphets in world tend to understand only one form of communication -> SPEECH. You might be the ultimate man, the mean machine, the rock star, the cool dude, or the striking macho man with killer looks….. what use if you cannot talk to a girl…. !!! Talk…. here is translated sensible and sensitive talk… and not your regular bullshit…. !!!
It took me exactly 2 years 9 months and 24 days and a marriage, to realize that the best way to woo your girl is to talk to her… again no bullshitting… just plain, simple, straight, sensible, and sensitive TALK. You don’t need to be intelligent or smart to do this; all I am saying is get out of your Nothing Box, to hell with your ego and macho ideologies and instead use your seldom used common sense and T.A.L.K.
Sample:
- Sometime in 2007
Me and my colleague (Now my WIFE), to whom I had just started talking attend a team event in office. We are just getting ourselves acquainted with each other, and when the dinner is announced, I bump into my colleagues from the other team and they drag me to the dinner counter. She stands there at the same place where I left her just staring at me. Now my mind says, you were with her all this time, please at least extend the basic courtesy of inviting her to join you or the least tell her a courteous bye. But my brain says, “boss, seems she is interested in you, WOOOOO her by meeting people and acting cool and, she herself would come to you.”
She gives me a pitiful look, that’s what I would call it, because there was no anger or frustration, it was just plain sympathy and she walks away with another of her colleagues for dinner.
(Bingggggg….the Nothing Box in my brain pops up and I go into deep thinking what was wrong with my wooing…!!! )
2. Sometime later in 2007
Me and my girlfriend (Now my WIFE), to whom I had started talking more these days, were sitting in the old HAL airport (the place holds immense importance) in Bangalore and were engrossed in our regular energized animated conversation…. Okay… to be precise…. I was trying to WOOOOOO her by narrating and enacting my college days… !!! Come on guys, I am damn sure any guy who studied in an engineering college would have enough and more stories to narrate and enact throughout his life time… trust me….!!!
These conversations (!!) continued for 3 to 4 months and she asks me one day “Praveen, glad that you had so much fun in your college days, but tell me what do you think of us, what our relationship means to you, and from here where do you think we are heading … kuch toh bolo yaar… !!!
Believe me, my mind went absolutely blank… blank matlab….. not even a dot in it… !!! And even at that instance I couldn’t think about even a single thing she asked ….. all I could think about was what went wrong with my WOOOOO ing, where did I go wrong, did I tell her any uncensored edition, or did I miss anything in the narrative….. God damn it….why isn’t she getting damn WOOOOOed….. !!!
We had sat there for 5 to 6 long minutes and she is still waiting for me talk, and all I could give her was my macho, sexy, cute, killer blank looks…!!! She says “kuch toh bolo” and me (still immersed in my deep thoughts) “kya bolun”…. And she “agar kuch bhi nahin bolna to chalo niklo ghar chaltein hain” and I dutifully drop her back home…. !!!
(Bingggggg….the Nothing Box in my brain pops up AGAIN and I go into deep thinking what was wrong with my wooing…!!! )
3. Yesterday (23-03-2010)
After a series of such above mentioned incidents, my wife (Now my WIFE J !!!) enters the house around 7 in the evening. And there she sees me lying as usual in my bean bag, with the snacks “dabba” in my lap, remote control on my stomach and worse watching the Hindi movie “Ghayal – The Killer Man” which incidentally turns out to be the dubbed version of the super hit Tamil movie “Sullan” staring Dhanusssss….. !!!
She looks at me, and then looks at the TV and then throws me a very angry look and walks past… !!! I think the movie is infuriating her and I change the channel to Sun Music, which obviously is playing one of my fav track… !!! But later she tells me that the reason for her fury is not the movie but it was because, when she rang the bell, I hadn’t even cared to get up and open the door in spite of me sitting right in the living room… !!! But my funda was simple, since she has got the keys, she can anyways come in without me straining to get up and open the door… !!!
Now my “idea mani” brain says “boss get back to basics, woo her and she will be fine… “ !!! So what I do is, I sing all the romantic hits (Hindi and Tamil) sitting at the same place, in the same bean bag, and with the same snacks, but with the TV in mute… !!!
She comes to me and tells me “Praveen, what do you think you are doing ? Please yaar gala mat phado and please chidao mat” and I tell her “Hey, chill yaar, I was just trying to WOOO you”. Did I just trigger a fission process..... I think I did.....Now she comes to me and tells me in a cold, stern, loud, and clear voice “ Praveen, did you realize that for the last 1 and a half hours you haven’t moved an inch….. for that matter you haven’t even changed your posture, you sit here singing all the crappy songs, which seem romantic only to YOU, don’t even bother to come and ask me what the matter was and you tell me that you are trying to WOOO me….. ??? To WOOO me all you need to have done is to have talked to me in simple, straight, sensible, and sensitive language….. Am I understood….!!!
And my stand is : If you want it that way, YOU should communicate that to me.
Had you told me this before, I would have been a rock star husband by now…. But no problem….. at least now you told me…. Don’t worry better late than never…. Things would be under control from now on….. I AM IN CHARGE NOW….. but hey remember…. Please girls…. Learn to communicate how you want things to be…. J !!!
Summary: Some smitten tigers never change…. J !!!
