After a long time I could feel the corner of my right eye getting wet, i thought it was due to excessive staring at the monitor, but it wasn't ....!!! I had just finished reading my friend's blog about his first stint at long distance running..... and...

Good going mate... God bless !!!

Talk to her... !!!

Lesson number one, all the beautiful nymphets in world tend to understand only one form of communication -> SPEECH. You might be the ultimate man, the mean machine, the rock star, the cool dude, or the striking macho man with killer looks….. what use if you cannot talk to a girl…. !!! Talk…. here is translated sensible and sensitive talk… and not your regular bullshit…. !!!

It took me exactly 2 years 9 months and 24 days and a marriage, to realize that the best way to woo your girl is to talk to her… again no bullshitting… just plain, simple, straight, sensible, and sensitive TALK. You don’t need to be intelligent or smart to do this; all I am saying is get out of your Nothing Box, to hell with your ego and macho ideologies and instead use your seldom used common sense and T.A.L.K.

Sample:

1. Sometime in 2007

Me and my colleague (Now my WIFE), to whom I had just started talking attend a team event in office. We are just getting ourselves acquainted with each other, and when the dinner is announced, I bump into my colleagues from the other team and they drag me to the dinner counter. She stands there at the same place where I left her just staring at me. Now my mind says, you were with her all this time, please at least extend the basic courtesy of inviting her to join you or the least tell her a courteous bye. But my brain says, “boss, seems she is interested in you, WOOOOO her by meeting people and acting cool and, she herself would come to you.”

She gives me a pitiful look, that’s what I would call it, because there was no anger or frustration, it was just plain sympathy and she walks away with another of her colleagues for dinner.

(Bingggggg….the Nothing Box in my brain pops up and I go into deep thinking what was wrong with my wooing…!!! )

2. Sometime later in 2007

Me and my girlfriend (Now my WIFE), to whom I had started talking more these days, were sitting in the old HAL airport (the place holds immense importance) in Bangalore and were engrossed in our regular energized animated conversation…. Okay… to be precise…. I was trying to WOOOOOO her by narrating and enacting my college days… !!! Come on guys, I am damn sure any guy who studied in an engineering college would have enough and more stories to narrate and enact throughout his life time… trust me….!!!

These conversations (!!) continued for 3 to 4 months and she asks me one day “Praveen, glad that you had so much fun in your college days, but tell me what do you think of us, what our relationship means to you, and from here where do you think we are heading … kuch toh bolo yaar… !!!

Believe me, my mind went absolutely blank… blank matlab….. not even a dot in it… !!! And even at that instance I couldn’t think about even a single thing she asked ….. all I could think about was what went wrong with my WOOOOO ing, where did I go wrong, did I tell her any uncensored edition, or did I miss anything in the narrative….. God damn it….why isn’t she getting damn WOOOOOed….. !!!

We had sat there for 5 to 6 long minutes and she is still waiting for me talk, and all I could give her was my macho, sexy, cute, killer blank looks…!!! She says “kuch toh bolo” and me (still immersed in my deep thoughts) “kya bolun”…. And she “agar kuch bhi nahin bolna to chalo niklo ghar chaltein hain” and I dutifully drop her back home…. !!!

(Bingggggg….the Nothing Box in my brain pops up AGAIN and I go into deep thinking what was wrong with my wooing…!!! )

3. Yesterday (23-03-2010)

After a series of such above mentioned incidents, my wife (Now my WIFE J !!!) enters the house around 7 in the evening. And there she sees me lying as usual in my bean bag, with the snacks “dabba” in my lap, remote control on my stomach and worse watching the Hindi movie “Ghayal – The Killer Man” which incidentally turns out to be the dubbed version of the super hit Tamil movie “Sullan” staring Dhanusssss….. !!!

She looks at me, and then looks at the TV and then throws me a very angry look and walks past… !!! I think the movie is infuriating her and I change the channel to Sun Music, which obviously is playing one of my fav track… !!! But later she tells me that the reason for her fury is not the movie but it was because, when she rang the bell, I hadn’t even cared to get up and open the door in spite of me sitting right in the living room… !!! But my funda was simple, since she has got the keys, she can anyways come in without me straining to get up and open the door… !!!

Now my “idea mani” brain says “boss get back to basics, woo her and she will be fine… “ !!! So what I do is, I sing all the romantic hits (Hindi and Tamil) sitting at the same place, in the same bean bag, and with the same snacks, but with the TV in mute… !!!

She comes to me and tells me “Praveen, what do you think you are doing ? Please yaar gala mat phado and please chidao mat” and I tell her “Hey, chill yaar, I was just trying to WOOO you”. Did I just trigger a fission process..... I think I did.....Now she comes to me and tells me in a cold, stern, loud, and clear voice “ Praveen, did you realize that for the last 1 and a half hours you haven’t moved an inch….. for that matter you haven’t even changed your posture, you sit here singing all the crappy songs, which seem romantic only to YOU, don’t even bother to come and ask me what the matter was and you tell me that you are trying to WOOO me….. ??? To WOOO me all you need to have done is to have talked to me in simple, straight, sensible, and sensitive language….. Am I understood….!!!

And my stand is : If you want it that way, YOU should communicate that to me.

Had you told me this before, I would have been a rock star husband by now…. But no problem….. at least now you told me…. Don’t worry better late than never…. Things would be under control from now on….. I AM IN CHARGE NOW….. but hey remember…. Please girls…. Learn to communicate how you want things to be…. J !!!

Summary: Some smitten tigers never change…. J !!!

Na..na..na...naaaaaa...... !!!

Saari umar hum
Mar mar ke jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
Jeene do

Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again

Kandhon ko kitabon
Ke bojh ne jhukaya
Rishvat dena to khud
Papa ne sikhaya
99% marks laaoge to ghadi, varna chhadi

Likh likh kar pada hatheli par
Alpha, beta, gamma ka chaala
Concentrated H2SO4 ne poora
Poora bachpan jalaa daala

Bachpan to gaya
Jawani bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
Jeene do jeene do

Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again

Getting a li'l philosophical... !!!

Was driving down to office today morning, and as usual crossed the St.Antony's church near Cambridge Layout. Whenever I cross the Kebi in front of the church, generally its usual for me to put a cross and say a li'l "thank you" prayer. Today I saw a very old man standing on the foot of the Kebi and praying. So as I was crossing the Kebi, I put a cross and lookin at the old man, I didnt say my regular prayer, but I said a prayer for him.... I dont know..... but I'msure it was not out of sympathy but it came spontaneously. Though not a big deal, but I could feel this gush of happiness inside me.... the happiness to do something or gesture for some one. I don't know that old man, I have know idea who he is, I am absolutely clueless about his life, he is not related to me...but still I was very happy... !!! Infact, I had not spent a single pie on him, I didnt share a single second of my time to know what he was going through...all I said was a li'l prayer for him to keep him happy...... trust me I did feel good.. and happy..... !!!

May be this is not worth writing, but I realized today that we are so engrossed and busy with our own lives that we fail to understand what our fellow beings go through and what they suffer... !!! Infact I accept that I am one of those guys with the same qualities; engrossed, busy, and selfish... !!! But what are we going to lose with a just a gesture or good thought for someone..... leave alone generosity, charity or selflessness, but how much does it really cost just to share a sweet gesture, say a li'l prayer, give a smile, say a 'hi', wish some one a good day...... !!! How much does it actually cost to show a li'l sensitivity towards your fellow being..... !!!

Basically I am a happy guy.... today I am just happier... :-) !!!

Diary of a Young Wife... !!! (Hilarious.... !!!)

Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.

Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.

Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.

Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.It said, prepare ingredients,then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.

Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was reallystressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?"

Hmmm....It must be his job.... !!!

Never Argue With a Woman... !!!

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?""Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?"). "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.""Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.""If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman."But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden."That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.""Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Gyaan... !!!

Lesson 1
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate him.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 2
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull." They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 3
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet witched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

Lesson 4
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Moral of the story:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Lesson 5
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 6
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.

Lesson 7
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone."OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:Always let your boss have the first say.